21st Century Crisis

I'm so over food. I mean, what is it with this stuff? Is it really necessary to consistently refuel this body of mine three or more times a day? It just seems really fucking inefficient and yet another hurdle as I struggle to fulfill my posthuman future fantasy. The information singularity is the most exciting and anticipated near future event occurring in my lifetime, a technological event horizon from which there will be no return. And I'll probably be washing the dishes when it occurs. How the fuck am I supposed to prepare for this amazing and unpredictable event if I'm overwhelmed by monotonous minutiae unchanged for all of human evolution. Fuck you food! Get out of my exponentially changing future you unevolved human energy delivery system.

You know I find food so time consuming and irrelevant and.... erm... unfortunately, necessary. But for fucks sake, there has to be a better way to do this. It appears that I am either eating, buying or preparing food. Either that or else I'm thinking about the damn stuff. They're only calories for fucks sake, why isn't there a pill I can take that supplies all my energy needs?

I've been an avid reader of science fiction all my life and have been in awe of the future and the wonders I have been promised, the problems solved, the problems created. Well the future is here now and it's very fucking disappointing. Where the hell is my nutritionally balanced food alternative in an easy to swallow pill form? It can't be that difficult can it? And where's my bloody warp drive? It was in the brochure, I saw it  just over the page from the hover car.

Hmm, I am so over food.I really am. So over it. But I'm not stupid. I respect the scientific method and accept the objective and peer reviewed food theories that the scientific method has gifted to the world. I truly do respect the theory that you can live on food, but emphatically request that science create something more efficient, something radical and exciting and modern. A human energy delivery system that the 21st century can be proud of.

The future is coming and it looks beautiful, if only it would hurry up and get here while I'm still alive.

Just Today in a Galaxy Far far Away From a Galaxy Far Far Away

I met this chap today half way between Albany and Denmark. He was a long way from his home in Perth, having spent the last month walking south, pushing his trolley, wearing his full Storm Trooper uniform and raising money for The Starlight Foundation. He intends to spend a few days in Albany before walking east towards the completion of his self funded journey to Sydney.

I was moved by his determination to raise money for this great charity that endeavours to make the wishes of terminally ill children come true. I emptied my pockets and came up with a meagre $7.40 to add to the $16000 he has already raised on his trek from Perth. I was so moved by his strength of purpose that I would have emptied my wallet for him, regardless of how much money it contained.

Unable to give anymore money I suggested he be my guest during his stay in Albany, offering him the use of my house and offering to feed him as he had been sleeping in his swag by the side of the road during his odyssey. There was no need as he has been welcomed by old family friends during this well earned r and r.
This is an incredibly inspirational young man, driven by a desire to do something for these terminally ill children, and making this incredibly difficult journey with an awesome sense of humour. I mean, for fucks sake, walking across Australia dressed as a Storm Trooper? That takes guts.

Before I left him 20 kms west of Albany I asked what gave him the power and strength to come up with such an amazingly original fund raising effort; had he lost a child to illness, a sibling or other relative, a friends child? It was none of these issues that drove him, it was a visit to The Starlight Foundation's rooms where he saw first hand the incredible work they do.

And Jacob's biggest desire for himself? He told me he really wanted to meet another inspirational person who by chance happens to be also visiting Albany tomorrow, non other than our first female Prime Minister, Julia Gillard.

I have just been buzzing since my random encounter with this great young man and I truly do wish him the very best in all his future endeavours.

This next picture proves that I didn't imagine meeting Jacob today.

The text of this article is a repost of a facebook upload I made today. Also, I apologize for the blue tinge of these pictures, I should open CS5 and do something about it, but I should also go to bed. Guess which of those choices I deemed to be most pressing.

The Department of Redundancy Department

Has it really been that long since I last posted?

This post wont be winning me back many readers either. It's just an excuse to use the above title which appeals to my snobby, intellectual sense of humour. I hope it appeals to yours.

Today's post is about Creationism and Intelligent Design. In fact I'm not going to be doing much talking, I'm just going to publish some pictures and links to articles. See if you can deduce which side of the fence I sit on; do I accept the Theory of Evolution as proposed by Charles Darwin, one of the greatest scientists ever to live, or do I follow the pseudo scientific ramblings of the cranks and crackpots who preach Creationism, Intelligent Design and Irreducible Complexity?
You be the judge!



There is a young man I see a few times a week in the line of my work. A friendly, pleasant, seemingly intelligent young man who unfortunately is a believer in Intelligent Design. A large part of his ammunition in the eternal fight against the evil Evolutionists is the statement "Evolution is just a theory".
What he can't seem to grasp is that Evolution, while being a theory, is actually a fact! His cognitive failing here is an incorrect and unfortunately widespread misunderstanding of the definition of the word "Theory".
In general usage the word theory means a guess or a conjecture, but when used in a scientific context, theory takes on a completely different meaning.
A simplified definition of the scientific use of the word theory would be that it refers to the current explanation for some kind of natural phenomenon. This doesn't mean it is a guess as to how people think it works, but a rigorously and scientifically tested, peer reviewed and verified explanation.
My young friend chooses not to accept my explanation as truth, instead the subject will be unsubtly shifted towards a discussion of the irrefutable "evidence" of Noah's Flood as shown by the strata present in the Grand Canyon. Now I've never visited the Grand Canyon, but I assumed it's present structure was the result of millions of years worth of layers of sedimentation being uplifted in the geological event that also created The Rockies, then being eroded by the Colorado River. Apparently not.
It's usually at this point that I politely make motions to leave. For even though I clearly believe that mankind's salvation lies within the embrace of science, I don't have to vehemently pronounce my beliefs to all and sundry, (Except in the public forum of the blogosphere.)
It seems to be the way with the religious types though. The pursuit of pseudo scientific Creationist beliefs and the associated attempts to discredit peer reviewed real science is not something to be approached half heartedly. You have to be prepared to be lambasted and thought of as a fool, you will have to retreat to the sanctity of your place of worship and only associate with your like minded fellow brethren. This must be why the God Botherers are thought of as fanatics.



All images used in this post are stolen off the web. Sorry to the owners if you don't want me to use them.

Wordivores

I had to look up Extirpation in the dictionary.
The Thesaurus has been extirpated.

Dry Clock

...And in other breaking news a tattoo shop is opening in the Spencer Park shopping centre. They are situated in the old Laundromat premises.
Imagine my surprise when I went to the newsagent this morning and saw Feral airbrushing the window next door. He said the newsagent wasn't very happy about their new enterprise, so to ease his mind I assured him that Maureen the newsagent is just a fucken bitch and not to worry about her too much.

A Bookish Post

I have been a little slack with my postings lately, and with good reason too. The main problem is I felt that I had nothing to say, a case of blog block.
But I'm back! Yeah!?

Buying books online may seem cheap until you notice the postage charges which can be quite steep, especially from bookshops like Amazon and the like. With some of the charges you may as well go to your local bookshop instead, the cost is comparable.
Now, I just love books, especially new books. It may have something to do with the fact that books are one of the few things I can afford to buy new, along with food, sometimes.

What I find surprising is that in all the hours I have spent on the interweb I have never come across The Book Depository, who ship from their "Fulfilment Centre" in Gloucester, England.
What the fuck is a Fulfilment Centre?
Anyway, their books are cheap (the four books I picked out were under $50), and the postage is free!
I reckon it is worth a look. And they are always open.

The Book Depository

(15 Years in Long Sleeves - #2) Not Looking Too Good, But Feeling Real Well

Life was good, it was 20 years since Sergeant Pepper had taught the band to play and I'd managed to keep my shit together and stay off the smack long enough to get accepted into The Academy of Performing Arts. Suddenly I was in a tertiary institution and for the first time in my life I was thinking of my future.

I was living as care-taker in Tom Collins House before Servetus Street took steroids and swallowed the houses on the southern side of the road. The house was amazing, strewn with cabinets full of Australian first editions and furniture built by Joseph Furphy with a surreal brass rubbing by his daughter Mattie over the fire place. My duties were few: hosting the monthly meetings of the Fellowship of Australian Writers, serving cups of tea in Wembley Ware, and just being awed at my fucken arsey luck. Somehow I had landed on my size elevens yet again.

But of course there was no way that I was going to be able to keep this up for too long as there was a new drug in town. A cheap, pure powder that when hit was like riding the fucken space shuttle. But such is life for the hero of these stories, our spunky young journeyman drug addict.

(To be continued?)

The Beach

-I suppose I shouldn't have pulled out in front of him, but he was going around that roundabout a bit too fast, and now the cunt's accelerating up me arse, fuckin' cunt...

-Hey now, whoa there there buddy! I thought you were going to the beach for a walk, you know The Beach, that meeting place of sea and sand and sky; that peaceful, wonderful place.

-But I just gave him the finger!

-Shit! Well pat the dog the dog then.

-Mmmm, that Does feel better.

The beach was wonderful, and especially the track on the way back. The purple paint of Hardenbergia sprayed across the shrubs, and the single leafs of orchids laying scattered waiting to bloom.

Knock Knock

I wish I could think of a line like this when the god botherers come a knockin', but I'm usually too stoned.

Making Stuff

I just built myself a bookcase. Well, I didn't just build it, I just finished it. The project was started about a month ago and had the sacred tomes ceremoniously placed upon the altar of it's shelves earlier this week.

It's a little bit dodgy, the ply I used was a couple of busted up cover sheets salvaged from the skip at work and hence all the shelves are slightly warped. The sides are actually straight, not bowed as my cheap digital camera seems to portray.
If anyone asks me where it's from I'll probably say garage sale.
But I like it. It's good to get those books out of the boxes they have mouldered in for the last four years, and it's good knowing that I built it myself.

My next project is a coffee table. Timber salvaged from work again - it's great working at a shop that sells wood. I started preparing the top today, the dimensions are the golden mean (1.618...) so if there are any problems with my carpentry skills at least it will look aesthetically pleasing.

(15 Years in Long Sleeves #1)

Ramon was recently out of a Darwin prison farm when I moved into the house that smelled of rotting oranges in Perth St Cottesloe. He told me how he had pimped his girlfriend out on conjugal visits for favours and drugs. Well dressed cunt, somehow always looked good despite his mouthful of rotting teeth.

I was just 18 and legally allowed into the pubs I had been frequenting since 14. I'd split from my girlfriend and quit my job after an exceptional dose of acid had rewired my brain somewhat. Life was good and ripe for the fucking up of.

Rose knelt at the coffee table mixing up. She was fucken hot, a hot fucken whore just back from from a 14 job night.

"You want some of this shit then Spencer?" Ramon asked.

"Fuck yeah!!!" I shouted over the New York Dolls.

I hadn't tried hammer before, but I was fucken ready. Harmless eh? If not, it certainly hadn't hurt my record collection.

Later that night as Ramon nodded at the kitchen table, Rose gave me a head job on the couch.

Life was good and I felt like a man in control.

Daisy Bates Geneologies (sic)

Well I've finished it at last. The Daisy Bates Geneologies (sic) have been transferred over from Bob Howard's Pages to my pages. I have copied everything as I found it, that means all spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and dead links are as Bob created them.

I thought about editing, but I don't want to become a victim of Muphry's Law.

Fantastic document, well done Bob, vale etc...

Firefox Ad Blocker

If you're using Internet Explorer instead of Firefox you really should think about changing to Firefox. It is easy to use, fast, is not a Microsoft product and has a multitude of add-ons and features to help make your browsing experience so much more pleasurable.

I run an Australian English spellchecker add-on, the first of it's type that I have seen. It's great, and not just because it recognises "colour" and "centre" as being spelled correctly, it's the alternative spellings offered that I really love. It didn't recognise "Fisherwoman", so offered up as alternatives "Fisherman" and the gloriously wicked "Washerwoman".

My latest add-on, and by far the best is Adblock Plus. This fantastic application blocks all adverts on all web pages. No more slow page loads due to the graphics intensive advertising that is everywhere these days. I've only had it installed for four days so I haven't really given it a workout yet, but the sites I regularly visit have been ad free. It's easy to install and easy to configure and has performed admirably. I would have to rank it as one of my best discoveries in a long time, almost on a par with the Navbar Remover I posted last week.

No ads on Facebook, Hotmail, news sites, IMDB, Blogger and a multitude of others. That's right, No Fucken Ads!!!

You can get it from here: Adblock Plus

Bob's Pages - Update

The transfer of Bob Howard's pages is almost complete. All that remains to be uploaded is the Daisy Bates Genealogy section. It will take me a little longer as there are many cross referenced links.

Please have a look and tell me if you find any broken links etc.

This really is a wonderful resource that Bob spent a lot of time on and is of great value to our community.


The Anzac Fleet Leaving Albany

Remove the Ugly Blogger Navbar

If you want to remove the ugly default Blogger navbar, (you know, that bar across the top of your page with the search field in it), try inserting this code:

#navbar {
height: 0px;
visibility: hidden;
display: none;
}

Just paste it into the head of your html, and no more boring old default navbar.

Note: This might be against the Blogger Terms of Service, but hey who gives a fuck about TOS?

Spencer Gets a Homepage

I've Started a web page on bytehost7.com. They are a free web server. I'm not sure how good they are yet, if anyone has heard of them or even if you know of a better free service please let me know.

My primary reason for the website is to mirror Bob Howard's site as I don't know how long Omninet will keep it up for. Bobs Omninet site can be found here.

Presently I have only copied over his homepage, but I have put up some nice fish pictures which were painted in Albany by Robert Neil in 1840.

You can see my website here. There isn't much happening in the way of design or content, but hey I only started compiling it half an hour ago :)

Sarah, I only have 20 fish pictures, do you have any more?

Muphry's Law

Muphry's Law has been identified as "the editorial application of the better-known Murphy's Law".

It consists of four rules:
(a) if you write anything criticising editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written;
(b) if an author thanks you in a book for your editing or proofreading, there will be mistakes in the book;
(c) the stronger the sentiment expressed in (a) and (b), the greater the fault;
(d) any book devoted to editing or style will be internally inconsistent.

A similar law is McKean's Law which states: "Any correction of the speech or writing of others will contain at least one grammatical, spelling, or typographical error"

What these laws are saying is that one must be very careful when criticising or editing an others work.

I fell victim to these laws at Mel and Greedies last week.

What started out as just a quiet drink and jam session quickly dissolved into a night of debauchery fuelled by drink, drugs, beautiful women and great live music.

I think I kept my clothes on, not sure...

While talking to the wonderful Sarah Toa I pointed out that she had spelled the same word three different ways in a recent blog post.

At least I tried to point it out to her.

What I gave her was a speech peppered with punctuation, tense and spelling mistakes and massive amounts of dribbling and slurring.

A clear case of a verbal Muphry.

Sarah, to her credit, took it quite well.

Barking

BeardyMan

BEATBOX
verb; the attempt made by one to vocally replicate the sounds that would normally emanate from a drum set, drum machine or drum loop through a series of noises or popping sounds made with the mouth. 'Beatboxing' is used throughout the hip-hop scene.
(From Urban Dictionary.)

When I think of beatboxing I usually think of Police Academy and it's numerous sequel's...

Well not anymore!

I have discovered Beardyman.

May I present the amazing Darren Foreman, aka Beardyman, aka Professor Bernhard Steinerhoff, the greatest chef in the free world...

Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen Based Recipes

You may have read my last post about some very clever and funny Ladybird Book parodies.

In keeping with my book based posts, today I am going to let you know about a real book available from Lulu, the online self publishing house.

Paul (Fotie) Photenhauer's Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen Based Recipes will change the way you cook and your choice of ingredients forever!

For years men have been trying to get women to eat semen with varying success. We have tried suggesting that it is good for the skin, good for weight control, even trying the old chestnut "If you really loved me you would swallow it".

Now armed with recipes such as Man Made Oysters, Cumin Rub and, my favourite, Choked Chicken, semen will be on the menu in many more bedrooms around the country.

This book has also attracted some brilliant comments such as this gem from Neal Enbob...

"I bought it and tried the spoon-n-toss cookies as a surprise for my wife. She gobbled one up really quickly but I just can't get her to swallow them. On the bright side, she said she was willing to try another batch next weekend."

So do yourself a favour and instead of getting some "Pork on Your Fork", try some "Spoof on Your Spoon".