BeardyMan

BEATBOX
verb; the attempt made by one to vocally replicate the sounds that would normally emanate from a drum set, drum machine or drum loop through a series of noises or popping sounds made with the mouth. 'Beatboxing' is used throughout the hip-hop scene.
(From Urban Dictionary.)

When I think of beatboxing I usually think of Police Academy and it's numerous sequel's...

Well not anymore!

I have discovered Beardyman.

May I present the amazing Darren Foreman, aka Beardyman, aka Professor Bernhard Steinerhoff, the greatest chef in the free world...

Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen Based Recipes

You may have read my last post about some very clever and funny Ladybird Book parodies.

In keeping with my book based posts, today I am going to let you know about a real book available from Lulu, the online self publishing house.

Paul (Fotie) Photenhauer's Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen Based Recipes will change the way you cook and your choice of ingredients forever!

For years men have been trying to get women to eat semen with varying success. We have tried suggesting that it is good for the skin, good for weight control, even trying the old chestnut "If you really loved me you would swallow it".

Now armed with recipes such as Man Made Oysters, Cumin Rub and, my favourite, Choked Chicken, semen will be on the menu in many more bedrooms around the country.

This book has also attracted some brilliant comments such as this gem from Neal Enbob...

"I bought it and tried the spoon-n-toss cookies as a surprise for my wife. She gobbled one up really quickly but I just can't get her to swallow them. On the bright side, she said she was willing to try another batch next weekend."

So do yourself a favour and instead of getting some "Pork on Your Fork", try some "Spoof on Your Spoon".

Ladybird Books

For Ladybird Books with a twist have a look at this page.

I had "The Ladybird Book of The Policeman" as a child but mine was a little different.

Wrap Me Up In Cotton Wool

I read with some disbelief in this mornings The West Australian that 6PR has blacklisted the word Pom from its talkback programs.

"Pom" offensive? I've never had a problem with it, not like coon or nigger for example, and I am a Pom, although some what lapsed, a 10 pound Pom infact.

I'm happy to be called a Pom, it's part of my identity, I find the word comfortable, affectionate even.

To quote The West, "... a small group of British expatriates who regularly raised formal complaints about the word had prompted the station's lawyers to add it to a list of rude phrases and racial slurs that should be avoided."

That should read "...a small group of whinging Poms..." oops, I do believe I have just used "Pom" offensively.

But hang on, can't any offensive word be prefixed by a country and used to vilify?

How about Australian cunt, could that be offensive?

Should 6PR now ban the use of the word "Australian" on their talkback shows?

Drug Bins

The Western Australian Police are trialling "Drug Bins" at this weekends Rockit festival in Joondalup. The bins will be in place at the entrance to the festival for punters to dispose of their drugs before they run the gauntlet of the dreaded sniffer dogs, which the Police have indicated will be present. The public has been assured that anyone disposing of their drugs in the bins will not be charged with drug possession, nor will any surveillance footage be taken.

It seems to me to be a great piece of discretionary policing that is a step in the direction of harm minimisation as opposed to recording convictions and criminalising drug use, which is what the status quo has been up until now.

I believe a much better idea though would be a "Drug Buy Back". And why not? It worked with guns. The problem with the drug bins is that drugs are very expensive and I can't see too many people willingly parting with their stash, most will likely take the risk of possibly being sniffed out by the dogs. If the police really want to stop the drugs getting into the festival they should offer to buy the drugs at market price. Quite simple really, just produce the receipt you got from your dealer, along with your drugs and the police give you the cash. Problem solved.

Just as an after thought, if someone could get me one of those bins I would be willing to pay big bucks for it...